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It's been over two years since she died and I waited this long to hang up the clock I got from her home after she died.  It was weird for me to pick that of all things, but the wooden wall clock that always ding-dong-ding-donged on the hour every hour through the night when I would stay the night at her house had became part of her to me.  As well as the silly refusal to drive after six, the amount of checks she wrote to pizza plus, and obsession to making sure her fridge was stocked with our favorite soda.  That and she would never ever answer her phone, you always had to leave a message and hope she picked up halfway through it (she always did if she was there!).

It's out of batteries, so I have to go get one of those silly sized batteries for it.  But right now, its hung up and I took extra care in making sure it was straight and sturdy.

I dunno why I've waited this long to hang it up.  Aunt Gigi would had yelled at me if she knew it was stuck in the back of a closet for so long.  Just like she'd yell at me for losing that mace she gave me to always have in my purse.  Or how I don't eat enough.

It's just so rough sometimes.  I still have the last thing she sent me in my email.  She'd always -always- forward me those silly things about loving and god and blah blah blah but the last one she sent really touches me every time i read through it.  I figured I would share.

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I think I'm going to start going for a bittersweet lolita style.  I think most of the things I have sort of work for that...all I really need to do is change up my shoes.

I don't even know what to call myself right now @_____@!  Something inbetween bittersweet and classic, me thinks.  I should just pick one style and stick with it (METAAAAAA does not help with this.  They are like...everything!)

But I cannot wait for school so I can wear those things out constantly, haha.

The Velveteen Rabbit

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"


"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."


"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.


"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."


"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"


"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

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Writer's Block: The start of something wonderful

What is your favorite opening line of a book, and why?

Guts - By Chuck Palaniuk


Take in as much air as you can.

This story should last about as long as you can hold your breath, and then just a little bit longer. So listen as fast as you can."

If you haven't: read it  http://chuckpalahniuk.net/features/shorts/guts <~~
If you are uncomfortable of sexual, gross, or grimey things do not read it.
But the opening of that short story is just so perfect for what happens to the narrator its crazy.

Oh dear!

So I'll post a review when I finally get the package, but until then here's a cute little story.

Once upon a time there was a loli that really loved dresses and other things.  The loli decided to buy a buttload of stuff from taobao, her package turned out to be 7.36 kg, which is 16 pounds for you americans.  That's like....1/5 my weight.  ANYWAYS, turns out shipping was 120 dollars for all that stuff, and all that stuff turned out to be like...400 or so.

Of course, this is over...about six months.  I put in one order and decided to put in another since I saw a lot of stuff that I wanted in November.  I'm actually pretty excited to see some of the stuff.  C:  Though worried since I know I ordered the wrong size of shoes on one.  I'll probably sell them in the egl_comm_sales when they arrive.

I can't wait for all those Secret Shop socks +_______________________________________+
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Gluten Free Troubles...

More and more during this summer I realized I was having a stomach problem.  I had thought it was just an issue with work - from stress, blah blah blah.  But after a while I realized it was all from the bread I was eating, the pastries, even breaded chicken strips gave me troubles.

What sucks is that I wouldn't have such troubles if the wheat in America hadn't been bred to have a high gluten amount - more than 80% than 100 years ago.  Selective breeding, etc.  Also known...fuck I can't eat muffins now.

Well, I can.  Just...rice flour ones.  Or quinoa flour.  There's a lot of options, especially nowadays and with where I work.  It just sucks because I work around bread -constantly- and I can't eat any of it.  Pizza?  Yeah.  No more.  There is too much gluten products that tasted so delicious but gave me horrible stomach aches!  It really sucks when you walk into the mall food court and NONE of the fast food places there offer any sort of gluten free things beyond "...no bun please..." for a burger.

At least I don't have Celiacs or whatever.  Just a minor intolerance.  Same thing with onions and dairy...I suppose everyone has different tummy ache problems and it just takes a bit of fiddling around to get to eating what will settle alright. 
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